I Am a Feminist, but I Am Not What You Think

I am a feminist, but my fiancé opens the door for me.

I am a feminist, but I don’t victimize myself.

I am a feminist, but my fiancé usually pays for my meals.

I am a feminist, but housework is one of my favorite activities.

I am a feminist, but I love Jesus with all of my heart and believe that the Bible is the Holy, inspired Word of God.

I am a feminist, but I am not what you think.

The majority of negative comments I receive (especially after my last post), try to rip feminism to shreds using a bunch of false stereotypes. The comments that caught my attention most were, “I’m not a feminist because I want to be a stay at home mom!” or “I’m not a feminist because I want to be treated like a lady!” The most popular are along the lines of, “I am not a feminist because I’m a Christian” as if the two can’t be used together. But all of these things have nothing to do with feminism. You want to be a stay at home mom? Do it! But only because it’s your calling and it’s what you want to do, and not because someone pressures you to do it. You want your man to hold the door open for you, then let him! You can still be a feminist and a “lady.” Feminism is about being able to make your own choices, just like a man can choose to open the door for a woman.

I am a feminist, but my fiancé opens the door for me and usually pays for my meals.

Nate holds the door for me because it’s something that he loves to do and something he considers to be romantic. And because I love him and I am indifferent about door holding, I let him. He doesn’t force his leadership on me. He understands that humans aren’t all created exactly the same, but that we are all fearfully, wonderfully, and uniquely made in the image of our Creator. He understands that he is the chef of our little family, and I’m much better at keeping a clean house. He loves that I am headstrong, and that he is more laid back. He gets that I’m more of the initiator in the relationship, and that doesn’t threaten him. I don’t view his sensitivity as “unmanly,” but I see it as a gift that God has given him. When God formed Nate in his mother’s womb, He planned for him to sensitive, kind, and thoughtful. Basically, everything that I wish I could be. Nate isn’t less of a man because he’s not the “head of the household,” or because he refuses to go along with “biblical gender roles.”  I think rejecting the sexist idea of male authority makes him more of a man. He knows who he is in Jesus Christ, and that’s more than enough for him.

And that’s how we move. Hand in hand, eyes fixed on Jesus as our leader, we truly are a team. Always moving together, submitting to each other and playing equal roles, whatever they may be. Some days I am the chef, and some days he is the initiator. He accepts that I lead better in some things, and he leads better in others. The responsibility doesn’t fall on one person, but instead we carry the weight together.

I am a feminist, but I love Jesus with all of my heart and believe that the Bible is the Holy, inspired Word of God.

Complementarian theology teaches that God created men and women in a very cookie cutter fashion, giving males all the authority and leaving women with the short end of the stick.  However, I have found in my own studies and observations that God creates each person uniquely. He has given some women the gift of preaching, and some men nurturing and emotional personalities. When we create categories labeled “male” and “female” and force people into them based solely on their gender, it creates a dangerous situation. When we tell women that they can’t be pastors or leaders, we spit on God’s creation and power. We cheapen the beauty of the human being when we reject individuality. We become clones and robots instead of embracing who God has made us to be.

I understand that 1 Timothy 2:12 and Ephesians 5 aren’t a list of rules to follow, but holy scripture to be studied within the context of the culture it was written. I love that God doesn’t discriminate against His children, but instead has a heart full of love and acceptance. I choose to worship the God that gives men and women unique gifts, and allows them to use those gifts to their full extent, and I hope you will too. 




9 thoughts on “I Am a Feminist, but I Am Not What You Think

  1. I am a homeschooling mom of three, sew, knit, cross-stitch, and other crafts, cook, bake, clean, plan parties, etc., and I,too, believe women bear equal responsibility to leverage their gifts and strengths in stewarding God’s cosmic temple and announcing Christ’s righteous reign.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I love this! The recognition of our individuality and my skepticism towards cookie cutter models is a marker on my road to egalitarianism and being pro-feminist. Your depiction of your marriage based on gifts is beautiful; this is what I hope for when I get married.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I really appreciate your sentiment. I especially like your thoughts on the uniqueness of God’s creation. I am always amazed when I look at nature and see the diversity. It’s like God wrote the laws of nature and the exceptions to them as well. There are so many colors, created different seasons, so many creatures, so many amazing qualities that each creature or plant has, so many amazing things our body does that we can only begin to understand… On a cellular level, God has created our body to heal. I am truly amazed. Encouraging people to operate in the gifts God gave them is sound.

    Liked by 1 person

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